Does Rainbow spiral of death mean anything to you?
If you're a Mac user I'm talking about that rainbow icon that pops up
when you've overwhelmed your hard-drive with to many commands too quickly.
Well that is precisely the state I've been in...
In just the last past week
there has been news of a family members pregnancy, after which I was
blindsided by news that not only is my baby making gear not adequate
but neither is my husbands.
After that I Spent an entire day in the Maternity Ward
holding one of my foster child's parents hand
because she had no one else to turn to.
Early this week we had our first consultation for IVF
and just today I am unexpectedly sending our foster baby to his extended family.
I can hear Mrs. Gardiner from Pride and Prejudice saying
"Take care, my love. That savors strongly of bitterness."
In one week my poor emotions have been strung out for everyone to see
and they have been anything but pretty.
Luckily there is a silver lining up ahead!
If all goes well with IVF we will be pregnant by the end of September.
Of coarse there is only a 50% chance it will take
but after three and half years that number doesn't seem quite so scary anymore.
Infertility is an ugly beast
and I sincerely apologize to those of my friends and family
who have been affected by my bitterness and jealousy.
I hope that you will all keep me in your hearts
as my husband and I move towards this next step.
I know that the next few months will not be easy -
if the hormones don't make me crazy
I know my own anxiety and excitement will!
I just finished this new vintage inspired baby kit
called Tie A Bow.
I've been working on this silly little kit for over a year,
partly because it was too emotional, but also because I wanted to get every detail just right.
My dear friend Elizabeth, of Creative Breathing
sent me a felt heart years ago that had the words
"Tie a Bow" embroidered on it.
If you are familiar with Elizabeth
you know that if she sends you a gift it is a rare and most special treasure.
Those three little words chosen especially for me,
were exactly what I needed to make it through my dark periods.
When the only job I'd ever wanted in this life has been to be a mother
it was hard to stay focused on what amazing gifts I possessed
and that despite not having babies I still needed to live my life.
So that is exactly what I've tried to do,
and there have been wonderful and unexpected blessings
and roads that have made me grow as a person and even as a mother along the way.
If not for infertility we would have certainly not become foster parents
and while today I may want to very much throw in that towel,
foster care has blessed us and taught us so much more than I could have ever imagined.
I'm sure I have a few friends out there who have their own tales of infertility.
If you've been down the road of IVF
you know how scary and overwhelming the process is.
It's always nice to know you're not alone,
that is party why I share so much about our personal lives
here in blogland.
I felt so sorry for myself going into that appointment,
but after walking down the halls
where easily thousands of pictures lined the walls
I realized I was just one of many who have gone down this road,
and it gave me hope!
- on a side note, you may notice that my Tie A Bow kit is used as part of my blog design.
All my kits are available for "personal" blog use.
Of coarse there are rules -
you can not use them in any way to promote any commercial endeavors,
such as to promote your products, or if you make money through your blog
via advertising or what not.
but if you think your blog may need a little love
and along the way you fall in love with one of my kits
feel free to send me a note
and I would be happy to send you a copy of the terms of usage
if the concept of "personal usage" is a bit confusing to you.
Also the top HOPE page incorporates digi goodies from my next upcoming kit
I'm calling Once Upon A Gypsy.
Should be ready before the end of the month :D
Stitching around edge is from Minitoko
who is also a Kitschy Digitals designer!