Tick Tock

Dear friends,
I would like to thank you for your sweet kind words regarding my last post
unfortunately my mood as not much improved
I mean not to sound too negative
for part of me is quite happy
but there has been a little munchkin of sorts sitting at my ear
confusing me and asking me to question so much of myself
He blurts out such silly and yet such honest things
Do you ever feel this way?
Like you have this inner self telling you exactly what you do not want to hear
or perhaps what you should be telling yourself
but you've been too scared or embarrassed or ignorant
and so you have been covering up his little mouth
trying your best to stifle his helpless mutters?
Why do I ask... I know you have these feelings
we share them with each other so often
it always is such a release to send out my thoughts to you
It helps me sort out my feelings
I should like to share more about what has been bothering me later
but for now I should like to think on them a bit more

that is my word to myself this evening.
Let things go, enjoy the present
and don't be so hard on yourself

Well onto the lighter side of life...
I seem to be in a bit of a creative slump
not that I don't have ideas
oh no last week I was working on 5-6 different creative projects
but each one seems to fall short
one after another gets swept to the side
I need to learn to narrow my focus
say NO to one project or another
let opportunities pass me by if I have some doubt
I need to give myself a break
when was the last time you were bored?
I can't recall, I am always in an anxious mood...
good gracious! Did not I say I would talk of happy things?

One of my projects has been working on a new illustration set based on Peter Pan
For one reason or another I have struggled with this set of drawings
I sketch and re-sketch
then I color and throw away and start over again
but in away I think this is all good
I finally have a few sketches I am happy with
and the coloring is starting to come along
I have not given up! I am determined to finish it through
and sometimes that is just how things go
sometimes everything comes together so easily
and sometimes it is a battle the whole way through
the idea is to not let it eat at you

which now it sounds like I am giving myself advise concerning my current moods?

You know, the thing is...
it really is all about your attitude isn't it
It's about the way we precieve the world and ourselves
it's about working past frustrations and our own personal shortcomings
I have so many faults
and I can be so negative and anxious and feel so lost
so much more than I would like to even admit
but you know, it's okay
it's okay as long as we try our best everyday to live a better a life
to pick ourselves up, slap ourselves on the bottom
and say "you know what, today you were a royal pain in the bottom"
moods are moods
we (I) must work through them and see the lighter side of life
and enjoy every single moment
Life really is too short
I shall be a grump no more...
at-least for tonight
Thank you for letting me send these silly rants out into your worlds
as you can see, where I start and where I end up are such different places
I hope you too find blogging to be a safe a healing place amongst your dearest friends
Most recent scrapbook page
How happy I was that day... I shall think of that tonight!

I wish you all a happy week with NO mood swings
Hugs~ Chelsea Ann


Allison Drew said...

You did such a wonderful job on the woodgrain. I love it!

Anonymous said...

Your honesty is always so refreshing. Thanks for making me feel not so alone in my self doubts and creative frustrations. I think that most creative people go through these things. It's all apart of that sensitive and emotional side of us, the part that makes us want to be creative but can also sneak up on us and whisper little words of doubt into our ears. I hope this evening brings you happy thoughts and good sleep. By the way your Peter Pan illustrations look so amazing! I can't wait until you unveil them. You are so wonderfully talented in so many ways!


KnockKnocking said...

I am sorry you are having a rough day honey, if it is any comfort, I think that the word grain on your illustration is brilliant! I hope you feel better soon darling!

Julie Ann Grakowsky said...

*Hugs* to feeling better!! You look so beautiful in that picture...Surely a great day to remember!

Alissa said...

Your Peter Pan illustrations are looking wonderful, Chels! You are very talented with those Prisma pencils. I really do believe you have a future in children's books. I'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling down in the dumps. Like you said remind yourself to be patient and enjoy the present. *hugs*

Pieceful Bits said...

Blogging can be a healing place. Sorry to hear of your struggles. I agree with Bekah about creative people and their sensitive sides and doubts. Everyone has doubts it is just that some of of own up to them out in the open. You're a doll and I always look forward to your creative projects and honest words on your blogs. Blog Hugs (~~)

RachelM said...

I've just discovered your blog today it's really beautiful. I hope your soon feeling on top form again.

Danielle said...

i think your drawings are coming along beautifully! :-) we're our own hardest critics. I hope that you are having a better week! hugs! :-)

creative breathing said...

CA, I must know your birthday month. It will tell me so much about you. These ups and downs for you are like the tick-tock of your crocodile clock! There is a very clear pattern to them. Just knowing that will help you sail your boat through the rocky waters. Your illustrations must find a home CA. They are special. A series of greeting cards. Crock and boat, tick-tock, mermaids, with a whimsical adult saying inside. Your moods alone could be the best series of cards ever! E

Lori said...

I respect your honesty. Its very obvious sometimes we are our worst enemy isn't it. I have spent way too many years out of focus, rambling and wandering, I hope I've finally got it together some! Don't be too hard on yourself, relax and do some fun things for a bit! A fresh mind, a fresh heart! Best wishes on finding the answers your soul wants! Love,LOri P.S What a beautiful bride! And still are!

Dominique said...

Hi, Chelsea: just read your comment on my Simple Blog Skins blog; sorry it took me a long time to answer! I forgot to turn on email notification, and I really didn't think that blog would get any responses. In any case, it looks like you have your problem solved.

PS I hope you're feeling better. Sending good vibes your way. O-oooommmmmm....nomnomnomnom... ;-)

Wendy McDonagh-Valentine said...

Hi Chelsea. I don't mean to be personal but why don't you try tracking your moods and see if it has anything to do with your time of the month. I used to get PMS so severely that my doctor put me on medication for it. I am doing much better now but I still have months where I can't stand being around myself. : ) I can't get out of my own way and I can't focus enough to be creative at all. It gets worse as you get older and, for me, with every baby I had. I hope you're feeling better and I hope this wasn't too personal. :)

~ Wendy